Pictures

The Other Woman

2010-05-27T09:06:00.000-07:00

Ryan redid his golf cart.

2009-10-06T05:48:00.000-07:00

I was never a diamond girl until I saw this...

2009-08-31T10:08:00.001-07:00

2008-10-30T11:31:00.001-07:00

2008-10-06T09:01:00.001-07:00

2008-09-29T12:31:00.000-07:00

2008-04-16T07:32:00.000-07:00

2008-04-16T07:31:00.001-07:00

WAX

2008-04-16T07:30:00.001-07:00

Esther, Jeanie, Me, Annette & Anna

2008-04-16T07:29:00.000-07:00

Anna & Jeanie

2008-04-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

2007-12-21T20:59:00.000-08:00

2007-12-21T20:19:00.000-08:00

2007-08-23T14:33:00.001-07:00

My First Concan

2007-08-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

By stating that it is my first Concan, it sounds as if I am implying that I will get to go next year. Hopefully, Ryan won't dump me before then and I will be able to drink until I puke and gain another 8 pounds and coax out more huge pimples with disgusting amounts of sunscreen. All totally worth it. Here's some pictures, y'all.

J-Me and her hot ass bikini

and Dave and his hot ass cowboy hat

2007-06-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

Wedding (Cont.)

2007-06-15T13:44:00.000-07:00

After the groomsmen threw Mike in the pool

he's probably telling her some cheesy joke:
did you hear about the indian that drank so much tea he drown in his own teapee?

oh, Conan the Barbarian, we think you're swell

holding each other up

jeanie = beautiful

me = very shiny leg

My dad made that bottle. He has a glass business, see. Aint' that awesome?

2007-06-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

2007-06-06T08:15:00.002-07:00

Anna, me, Jeanie, Nanci, Camille, Faith

2007-05-17T09:13:00.001-07:00

Dauphin Island

2007-05-15T10:38:00.002-07:00

Ryan, Me & Homer

2007-05-07T07:10:00.000-07:00

2007-04-17T10:54:00.001-07:00

My Pickle Photoshoot or I need to find a hobby

2007-04-01T19:45:00.000-07:00

What my friends and I do for fun...

and by friends, I mean pickles.

Math

2007-03-09T08:36:00.000-08:00

Click on the picture to enlarge it.

2007-02-23T14:27:00.000-08:00

2007-02-01T13:46:00.001-08:00

2007-01-02T13:34:00.001-08:00

Awww

2007-01-02T12:46:00.000-08:00

Gingerbread House

2006-12-15T12:46:00.000-08:00

2006-12-08T08:43:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Stephanie!

2006-11-28T13:04:00.000-08:00

2006-11-13T10:14:00.000-08:00

2006-11-09T10:14:00.000-08:00

2006-09-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

foot

This girl wants to potty all the time, potty all the time, potty all the tiiiiiiimmmmeeee

2006-08-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

2006-07-31T15:12:00.000-07:00

I've known this guy for 13 years. It was only recently that I saw him without a beer covering half his face. Good times. :D

"Hey Baby - Need a Date?"

2006-07-31T14:46:00.001-07:00

I am open all night long.

Hello. Major Hottie.

2006-07-31T14:39:00.000-07:00

The Champ

2006-07-31T14:25:00.000-07:00

The "Houston Roller Derby Champ" (as it said on the back of his jacket in those fuzzy iron-on letters) took time off from eating floor to pose with Stephanie.

Hambone and Tanya

2006-07-31T14:21:00.000-07:00

See? The old Astros jersey. Rainbow indeed!

Not Cool

2006-07-31T14:17:00.000-07:00

The lint from the shirt I was wearing stuck to my deodorant and I wound up looking like I don't shave my armpits. Don't lie. You think that is fucking hot.

2006-07-31T14:14:00.000-07:00

What can I say? The girl is, like, totally oral or something.

2006-07-31T12:05:00.000-07:00

One of the only pictures I have of myself from Saturday night and it is after 8 hours of partying. Stinky. Wasted. Hot.

Meme from Guggs & Vera

2006-06-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
Sitting at my desk doing work (shocking, isn’t it?)

2. Who are you in love with?
It’s hard to love when being bitter is so incredibly sweet.

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
Not a crayon. A marker, yes. I have also eaten spiders, green beans that sat in my purse for two weeks, and once I stuck a dead june bug in my nose.

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Some paper about volunteering for Habitat for Humanity. (ACK! How did THAT get within ten feet of me without bursting in flames?)

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
Sometime last month. I always buy something, you know, cute to wear when I have a date and then I am too much of a prude to actually show it to the guy. Either that, or he stands me up and I get mad and show it to some complete stranger.

6. Are you wearing socks right now?
I am wearing knee highs. I know. Hot. Please refrain from sending me your perverted emails.

7. Do you have anything over $2,000?
Not that is completely mine. I am financing a bunch o’ crap right now. Although…I am sure I could get some stupid man to give me $2000.50 and in return I will show him my brastrap. So, yes then, I guess my brastrap is worth over $2000.

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
Saturday for Bone’s birthday and Happy Pappy’s Day.

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
No. I was supposed to go tonight but I just got canceled on because he has tickets to some dumb game with his dumb boss. Any strange men want to see some cute panties?

10. Are you hot?
Funny you should ask, Number 10. I have been experiencing hot flashes for the past 4 days. I am only 27. Do you think I am going through early menopause? If so, I can’t wait to grow a beard! THEN I will look hot.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Diet Coke, yo.

12. What are you wearing right now?
Gray slacks and a light blue sweater and heels. Yeah, I am big pimpin.

13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
Are you kidding me? And risk getting dirt under my nails? Heck no. Heck. No. The carwash people do it.

14. Last food that you ate?
I had a burger and fries from Dairy Queen and I don’t even regret it. So there.

15. Where were you last week at this time?
Probably at work trying desperately to get my boss to like me. I am planning on wrapping his computer in toilet paper. That is going to get me so many points.

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
Yes, because I am an idiot because I know when I buy these types of things, my night is going to go terribly awry. I should have just bought some mauve colored granny panties that come up to my 18-Hour Bra. Then I would be getting ass. But nooooooo……

17. When is the last time you ran?
That would have to be the last time someone was chasing me with a knife and that would have to be, um, never. Delicate flowers don’t run lest they damage their beautiful petals.

18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
Well, if by 'watched' you mean ‘getting drunk and talking over the game and not really paying attention to it at all’, then basketabll – Dallas vs. Miami.

19. What is your favorite animal?
Men.

20. Your dream vacation?
Anywhere with endless amounts of calorie-and-fat-free cheese and Diet Coke.

21. Last person's house you were in?\Stephaneppanie’s house, but she has an apartment. If we are talking real housey houses, then my parents’ and right before that, Hambone’s parents’ house. Hambone = Mexican parents = Breakfast = Chorizo & Egg Tacos with Homemade Tortialls. I want to wake up in his parents’ house every day.

23. Have you been in love?
Not the healthy, grown-up kind.

24. Do you miss anyone right now?
Yes.

Oh, you are expecting me to name names?

Well, tough shit.

25. Last play you saw?
If by ‘saw’, you mean ‘laid in the grass and made fun of people’ and by ‘play’ you mean ‘opera’, then it was a couple of weeks ago ith Nep and John. It was called the “Marriage of Fiagarro” and I have no idea what it was about. I am assuming it had something to do with the marriage of some cat named Figarro.

27.What are your plans for tonight?
THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP AFUCKINGAIN. I ALREADY TOLD YOU I GOT CANCELLED ON FOR A DATE. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO LET IT GO YOU ASSHOLE MEME?

28. Who is the last person you sent a myspace message or comment?
Erin.

29. Next trip you are going to take?
I am going to see my girls and I cannot wait.

30. Ever go to camp?
Campfire camp, which was like the generic girl scout camp. Oh, and I went to church camp once. Got my first, you know, woman-thing there. Should have known God hated me from that moment.

31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
In third grade. Yeah, I was pretty much the smartest 3rd grader in my whole school.

32. What do you want to know about the future?
Nothing. I like to be surprised.

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Yep. Vera Wang perfume and hamburger juice. I am a tasty bitch.

34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
No. I am done. Unless I get another UTI and have to go back and have my doctor blame it on all the whoring around I do. Her mean.

36. What happened to 35?
You tell me, Meme. It’s all you.

37. Do you have a tan?
A tan what? If you are talking about my skin, I have a white. If you are talking about my luggage, I have a gray, and if you are talking about my emotional well-being, then I smell something burning.

38. What are you listening to right now?
Co-workers probably discussing how that girl in office 1223 is such a slut with her light blue sweater and her gray slacks who does she think she is anyway?

39. Do you collect anything?
Yes. Hearts and balls of men.

40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
I have this gay friend…wait, that one is too obvious. Ummmm, me. I have a HUGE mouth. Don’t tell me ANYTHING. Even if you don't, I will make stuff up about you and spread it all over the office.

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
This question is made just for jinxing me, isn’t it? I have gotten pulled over 12 times, gotten 1 ticket. I am due. The last time I got pulled over was about 5 years ago.
42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?What kind is stupid question is this? Who doesn’t drink their soda from a straw? And here, it isn’t called “soda”. It’s called “Coke”. Get it right.

44. Do you like hot sauce?
Eff YES!

45. Last time you took a shower?
Last night. I am a dirty girl, no?

46. Do you need to do laundry?
Nope. I am a clean girl, no?

47. What is your heritage?
Czech, Polish, Scottish, and A-merican.

48. Are you someone's best friend?
Yes, but I think she just tells me that so I will give her money every week.

49. Are you rich?
Like a Cadbury Egg, baby.

50. What do you think of the person who took this survey before you?
She has a great pussy.

Talk Nerdy to Me

2006-06-04T01:10:00.000-07:00

2006-06-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

Meme #2

2006-05-05T14:32:00.000-07:00

1. When was the last time you had sex? Hard to type…too much bouncing…
2. How do you flush the toilet in public? with my foot
3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? ALWAYS. Safety first, guys, safety first.
4. Do you have a crush on someone? eh....
5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it? gasoline
6. What famous person do you (or other people*) think you resemble? Punky Fucking Brewster – other people
A couple of people have told me some chic from Grey’s Anatomy, but I haven’t seen it so I don’t know who the heck they are referring to.
7. What is your favorite pizza topping? mushrooms and onions
9. Do you crack your knuckles? i pull my fingers and toes, but never crack my neck - that creeps me out
10. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head?
"We are Austin’s break specialists – we’re break specialists – you’ll like what we do”
“Everything’s included at Lennar, EE-I-EE-I-OHHH”
11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head? feck. Yes it did, you asshole meme, you.
12. What are your super powers? I look really hot in the uniforms. That’s about it. Oh yeah, and I can do a mean toe-touch. Ask me sometime.
13. What is the hardest thing you have faced? Other than losing people I love, it would be getting stickerburrs stuck in my face. Wasn’t fun.
14. Where are your car keys? I have no effing clue
15. Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear? none of yall are going to do this anyway, so why should I even entertain this question?
16. What's your most annoying habit? eating plastic
17. Where did you go on your last vacation? san antonio, guey
18. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it who would it be? michael moore
19. What is your best physical feature? I always say my ass, but that is my least favorite feature. I have a birthmark on my back. I used to hate it, but I am rebelling against myself so I am making it my most favorite part just to piss myself off.
20. What CD is closest to you right now? Angolan Regulatory Compliance Laws 2006
21. What three things can always be found in your refrigerator?red stripe, cheese, salsa (and that’s all you can find in my refrigerator)
22. What superstition do you believe/practice?I scratch the ceiling on yellow lights, pick up my feet over railroad tracks, red lights = 2 hours, yellow lights = 2 minutes
25. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive? only if I am not putting on make up or eating or reading a book
26. What would your name have been if you'd been born the opposite gender? If you don't know what your parents would've chosen, what name would you choose for your other-gendered self? William Barrett (thank God for my vagina, right?)
27. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower? depends on who is with me that can provide backup vocals
28. If you could go back or forward in time would you and where would you go?Back to my grandma’s spare bedroom with the window unit and Gray Mouse
29. What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie? I'd have to say star wars, the original, too! He is just an effing hottie. I think he was my first Old Man Crush.
30. What CD is in your stereo? etta james/ louis armstrong duets, but that’s only because I was trying to seduce somebody
31. What OCD qualities do you have? I go back in my house to make sure I have turned everything off even though I know I have already turned everything off. I also have a big thing for symmetry. Touch one boob, you had better touch the other. I have to chew equally on both sides of my mouth.
32. How many kids do you want to have? eh…
33. If you could kiss anyone famous who would it be? Jake Gyllenhaal or whatever his name is – from Jarhead, not brokeback. Crystal don’t date bitches.
34.Would you really want to kiss someone you didn't know, even if they are famous? depends on how bad they were coughing/sneezing/bleeding from the mouth
35. What do you do when no one is watching? blog
36. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be the best for this job? Punky Fucking Brewster
37. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep? Peacefully in my sleep
38. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most? Rollos. Oh, and my brother and I would eat straight sugar out of the bin when my mom wasn't looking. 39. What is your favorite kid's movie? Toy Story. The “So Play Nice” part actually makes me jump up and down and clap and giggle. Also Mary Poppins. I was IN LOVE with Bert. He can sweep my chimney anyday.
40. Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert? Alkaline Trio, Ignorance Park, The Cure
41. Have you ever been in love? i think so.
42. Do you talk to yourself? Never. Yes, you do. No I don’t.
43. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the face of the earth? then they would suffocate in space and that would be no fun
44. Would you steel from the rich nah, couldn't live with myself. Unless the rich had Skittles, then yeah, I would.

Yeah, what?

2006-04-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

Hambone

2006-04-27T11:13:00.000-07:00

My Breasts...

2006-04-24T14:37:00.000-07:00

2006-03-09T07:09:00.000-08:00

2006-03-08T10:21:00.001-08:00

Laura with clothes....

2006-03-08T10:21:00.000-08:00

David

2006-03-08T10:20:00.000-08:00

2006-03-08T10:19:00.001-08:00

Abigail, Amy & Laura

2006-03-08T10:19:00.000-08:00

Nanci

2006-03-08T10:17:00.000-08:00

Jeanie loved her Bon Jovi cake.

Poo Poo Shoe

Apparently I Didn't Own a Brush at the Time

2006-03-08T10:16:00.000-08:00

I don't like this one very much. I guess I could say that I did it on purpose to capture the true essense of femininity - to show that a woman can be beautiful shaving her legs with her hair all messed up even though society might interpret her lack of hair-maintenance as having poor hygiene especially since she knows she is being photographed, but that would be bullshit. Another thing that bothers me about this round of photos is that it looks set up and not natural at all. Her towel HAS to be getting wet and what woman would make a mess like that? But I didn't want to show my ass ok? Ok.

For Bram

2006-02-28T09:24:00.000-08:00

2006-02-28T07:13:00.000-08:00

Me and Grandpa George

2006-02-28T07:10:00.000-08:00

Aud

Nanci, Jeremy, Me

Jeremy, Jeanie, Joe - Crawfish Boil

2006-02-28T07:08:00.000-08:00

Heather, Me, Sarah, Dr. Phil

2006-02-28T07:03:00.000-08:00

Me, Nanci

Me & Nanci

Jeanie, Nanci, Me

2006-02-28T06:56:00.000-08:00

My Back

Laura

Jeanie

Audrey

2006-02-28T06:54:00.000-08:00

Christopher (and Kellie in the Belly)

Alex

The Lein Girls' Theing

2006-02-27T13:17:00.000-08:00

7 Things to Do Before I Die:
1. Quit being such a goofy ass and learn to project myself as a lady
2. Get off the cigarettes. For good.
3. Go to Italy and have a torrid love affair with some young Italian man (so?)
4. Dance in a burlesque show or in a Martini glass (without the pancake ass)
5. Have my own darkroom in my own house
6. Learn to Like Olives and Wine (I’m getting there with the wine)
7. Drive a black Corvette Stingray Convertible through the Hill Country (yes, I know I am white trash)

7 Movies that Rock
1. The Big Lebowski
2. The Princess Bride
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
4. Harold & Maude
5. The Jerk
6. Dazed & Confused
7. Trainspotting

7 Books that Rock
1. The Time Traveler’s Wife
2. The World According to Garp
3. Horton Hears a Who
4. Life Expectancy
5. The Body
6. The Giving Tree
7. The Lovely Bones

7 Things that Attract Me to Blogging
1. I’m nosey
2. I Can’t Make My Own Decisions so I Rely on my Blog-friends to make them for me.
3. I am starting to become addicted to laughing everyday
4. Blogs are my soap operas
5. I feel “got”
6. I’ve made several friends
7. I can’t think of a number 7 so you make one up and I’ll go along with it. Ok? Ok.

7 Things I Cannot (Must Not, Will Not) Do
1. Eat a Roach (No matter how much ketchup or chocolate sauce is available)
2. Any sport that involves hand-eye coordination, or eye-foot coordination, or basically any coordination at all.
3. Fake laugh convincingly
4. Use a mortar and pestle or any other ceramic objects that must be rubbed together
5. Chinese splits (sigh)
6. Use tact.
7. Pierce my foreskin with the barb of a stingray and bleed upon the dirt as an offering to the Mayan fertility Gods. Considering I don’t have a foreskin, this will definitely be a “Cannot”.

7 Things That Melt My Butter
1. Adidas Sambas
2. Happy Trails
3. Soccer Boys (something about a man in knee-high socks……)
4. The movie Jarhead
5. A Sense of Humor
6. Intelligence
7. The way I smell like the guy I just made out with, but can’t find exactly where it’s coming from.

7 Pieces of Clothing That Are NOT Hanging In My Closet
1. Uggs
2. Thongs that hang out of jeans on purpose
3. Little Girl clothes that say “Juicy”, “Hottie”, “Brat” or “Jailbait” across the ass
4. Denim Dresses
5. Anything dealing with Unitards or Koolats
6. Purses that look like Disco Balls
7. Skirts that show my ass when I’m standing up straight

2006-02-07T10:50:00.000-08:00

Inversion House - Houston

2006-01-01T15:52:00.000-08:00

2006-01-01T15:41:00.000-08:00

The D Tree

2006-01-01T15:33:00.000-08:00

My Niece

2005-12-30T17:08:00.000-08:00

2005-12-30T17:06:00.000-08:00

2005-12-30T17:04:00.000-08:00

2005-12-30T17:02:00.000-08:00

Bo 'Fro 2005

2005-12-30T16:56:00.000-08:00

2005-05-18T12:42:00.000-07:00

No men with armpit hair for me. No thank you.

2005-03-31T13:24:00.000-08:00

you ah angew.

2005-03-31T06:44:00.000-08:00

It threw up.

2005-03-30T11:33:00.000-08:00

Powerful you have become, the dark side i sense in you.

2005-03-30T11:30:00.000-08:00

2005-03-02T18:21:00.000-08:00

Sam's mom

2005-03-02T18:19:00.000-08:00

I told Lauren that Aaron was definitely the cute twin out of the two and she told me that isn't his twin at all. That is Moby. Sorry Moby, but your sound guy is a lot better looking.

2005-03-02T18:11:00.000-08:00

ain't she purty?

2005-03-02T18:10:00.000-08:00

Kyo did not take off his shirt the entire show! Wtf?

2005-03-02T18:09:00.001-08:00

Subject:Defect rocked the house

2005-03-02T18:09:00.000-08:00

ebony and ivory

2005-03-02T18:08:00.001-08:00

me, gena, and aud

2005-03-02T18:08:00.000-08:00

Lauren's dog, Sam.

2005-03-02T18:07:00.000-08:00

2005-03-02T18:06:00.000-08:00

Gena and Audrey

2005-02-18T23:58:00.000-08:00

I got some ice, yo.

2005-02-14T18:28:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite picture of him. This is how he looks at me when I have a treat...or when I am cooking...or getting ready in the morning...and watching tv...and reading books..and on rare ocassions when i leave the bathroom door open when i pee.

2005-02-14T18:27:00.000-08:00

Another picture of Bo. That is his favorite ball. One time, Brendan accidentally threw it over the fence and it bounced into the highway - never to be seen again. Bo was so upset that he hid all of his balls in the bushes so the same thing wouldn't happen again.

2005-02-14T18:25:00.001-08:00

Bo...what did you do with your hedgehog???

2005-02-14T18:25:00.000-08:00

bo and his hedgehog friend.

2005-02-14T18:23:00.000-08:00

Talya and Joel live in California, but need to move to Texas as soon as possible.

2005-02-14T18:22:00.000-08:00

Lori and Mike!

2005-02-14T18:20:00.000-08:00

This is Cathy and Ben. Cathy likes to get naked except for her earrings and run around Houston. Ben likes it. Everyone always stares. I think it's because she has such great taste in earrings.

2005-02-14T18:17:00.000-08:00

This shows just about all of the freckles I have on my face. My dad told me they would go away when I turned 15. They did not. He also told me that if you eat onions on your hamburger you will grow hair on your chest. I have eaten tons, and still no hair. I am beginning to think my dad is full of it.